Saturday, April 18, 2009

Stop Smoking Update and the Roller Coaster Ride!

Wow........I have been on so many ups and downs the past two days, I feel like I should hang a sign on me that reads, "You must be this tall to ride".

Day 7 of my stop smoking quest, started well. I coped with my cravings, enjoyed my Electronic Cigarette a few times and then, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, I get hit with this enormous, absolutely crushing depression.

I wanted to cry.
I felt like screaming.
I wanted to smoke a cigarette so badly.
I felt so sad.
So frustrated.
So aggravated.

Was this worth it? All I had to do was smoke one cigarette and my symptoms would ease. My mood would lighten, I'd feel stomach would stop hurting, my lung pain would ease. Why was I doing this to myself? Why?

But then, almost as fast as the depression fell over me, it lifted. I didn't smoke......I didn't need to.

So today, I wake up to a wonderful gesture from my loving husband.....a McDonald's sausage biscuit with egg and cheese. I ate breakfast, had some coffee and then.....crashed. I had no energy. I just couldn't get up.....I didn't want to. But this time, I was determined to tell the withdrawals to shove it, and get moving.

So I washed my face, got dressed and made my way outside to garden and clean up the yard. I felt so awkward and those "Become an ex" commercials where the guy can't put on his pants. Once I thought of it that way, this little light bulb came on and I realized that what I needed to do is relearn my day to day activities......minus the cigarettes.

And from that moment on, I had an incredible day!! I spent the day getting torn to shreds by my rose bush, on my knees with my hands in the dirt, pulling weeds, trimming shrubs and trees and loving every moment of it. My shoulders are sunburned, I desperately need a shower, my arms sting from all of the tiny thorn cuts but...I feel amazing! I went ALL DAY without one gnawing craving for a cigarette........not one!! I enjoyed the fresh air, the birds singing and the sun shining....without once stopping to light up a cigarette!

Life is good without cigarettes.

I'm sure I'm not entirely out from under their iron fisted hold, but I think I am conquering them...I am now stronger than the cigarettes, more powerful than the cravings and more capable of separating the bad moods, frustration and physical symptoms from reality. I am actually doing this!!

I am becoming a non smoker!


schmitty said...
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