Thursday, January 15, 2009

Yee Haw....Wrangle Them Doggies!!

I found my inner Ceasar Millan...........I'm now calm and submissive. But that certainly wasn't the case an hour or so ago!

So here's the deal.....we live in a very modest 1,900 square foot ranch with a big yard, four bedrooms (3 that are extremely tiny and a master). In this house is myself, my hubby, my son and my little one. We have 3 dogs, two labs, Stewart and Sophie and a Shih Tzu named Rukia. Back in March of last year, as many of you know, my older daughter moved home after an abusive marriage. It was one of those urgent "get out now" we got her out.....along with.......

Arthur and Guenivere (Shih Tzus and Rukia's parents), Bella and Shinji (Rukia's siblings), Buster (a rescued pit bull), Ausuka (a rescued lab wiemerimer (sp?) mix) and Coga (a rescued pit bull-blue tick coon hound) Now since the Shih Tzus and Buster are crated in her room, we keep Guenivere out along with Rukia, Stewart and Sophie. (Are you following me?) Ausuka and Coga are kept outside (which we absolutely HATE) So that brings me to tonight.

Here in Indy, it was 6 below zero this morning. I was terrified that Ausuka or Coga were dead, even though their dog houses are crammed full of hay and blankets and anything else they've drug in. Well they were both OK...just not willing to come out of their houses. But tonight they are predicting -10 to -20 with -30 degree wind chills.

Nope, I didn't want them outside tonight. Ahhhhh, saddle up, it's time to wrangle them doggies!

We borrowed a crate from a neighbor and began the switch.

Step one.....put Stewart, the I'm-gonna-chew-your-face-off senior, in the bedroom. Put Guenivere in the whelping pen with baby Masaharu and get Rukia in the bedroom with Michaela (she loves to bark, bark, bark, bark,bark at the other dogs) OK.....ready, set, GO!

Step two....Out go the Shih Tzu boys.........Chara cleans their cages....lets them back in....while Arthur jumps up and down, up and down, "Hi gramma, hi gramma, hi gramma...gotta say hi before mom puts me up, gotta say hi before mom puts me up! Got a bone to share? Huh? Huh? Can I like your face? Your hand? Anything?"

Step three...send out buster....the hyper-pit bull-on-too-much-crack-caffeine-sugar...he bolts through the house....runs in a circle about 25 rotations and disappears outside into the darkness, while Chara cleans his crate. Outside, Ausuka (who sounds like an injured, demented goose) and Coga are barking their heads off because the hyper pit bull is outside running back and forth, flaunting his freedom in front of them. Buster returns and is let back in the house just as Chara returns with the crate from next door.

In the meantime, Rukia is whining and barking at Michaela's door, wondering what the hell is going on out here. Stewart is drooling and scratching at the bedroom door, just dying to get out here and show Buster who the boss is. And Buster is in the middle of the living room with a pink winter scarf in his mouth going round and round and round at about 20 miles per hour. Guenivere jumps out of the whelping pen to see what the craziness is all about, sees Buster, growls, snaps and jumps back into the pen on top of Masaharu.........."YELP, YELP, YELP"

Holy hell, she's broken the puppy!!!!!!!! Nope, false alarm, just scared the hell out of him....and me. He's still got all extremities, he's moving....he's alright.

And Buster is still turning circles in the living room with the scarf.

Step four....bring in Coga...the biggest dork-dog on the planet!! He's jumping around on the leash, "Dur...I'm in the house! Why am I here?! What's that smell? Gimme that squeaker! I'm in the house! What's that? Where are we going?! There! On the plate! What's that?!" Chara disappears down the hall with him..........and Buster is now outside with the demented goose (Honk, honk, honk).

Step five.....bring in Ausuka...the one who barks like a demented goose. She slinks through the house, belly near the ground, eyes darting back and forth...she snags the dog Frisbee on the way through the living room and drops it in her nervousness. Close behind is Buster, still jumping and hopping around in a hyper terrier frenzy. He again grabs the scarf and starts running in circles.

I'm posted at the whelping pen, keeping the new mommy from tearing through the pen's walls and eating Buster for annoying her. She's quite nervous, although Buster was around her first litter of pups and terrified of them. (Yes, picture the big, bad, murderous pit bull backing into a corner and wetting himself after being accosted by three 6 week old Shih Tzu puppies)

OK....dogs are in place. Ausuka and Coga have a warm place to sleep for the night and Buster is still running amok through the living room and den. Chara emerges from her room in time for me to let Rukia out....she just growls at Buster and sits down quickly to avoid the typical doggy-butt-sniff-hello. Letting Stewart out, however, was another fun activity! See, he turns back into a six month old pup whenever he's around Buster.

The two are jumping around, growling, shaking the pictures on the walls, scurrying here and there. Rukia is in the midst, running circles around the boisterous boys, barking her little head off. I'm chasing Rukia round and round the room, trying unsuccessfully to grab her tail, back of her sweater....anything to get ahold of her and stop her yapping before one of the bigger dogs steps on her. Chara is trying to get one of the boys and give him a good neck poke and a Ceasar Millan patented "Tssshhhh" It's mass chaos....once again.........only in my house!

After a few minutes, all is well and we are back to our normal business of relaxing and watching television. Nearly an hour and a half of dog wrangling and I'm now pooped! Now I can look forward to tommorrow's potty-time escapade! This should be fun!


Anonymous said...

Uhhh... good lord.