Saturday, January 17, 2009

2008 A Year Of Discovery & Disappointment

If nothing else, 2008 proved to be a year of discovery and disappointment for me. Most importantly, I learned that you are never too old to learn lessons on life, the human spirit and relationships. (The more lighthearted stuff is at the bottom....LOL)

Second chances played an enormous role in my life and the lives of people I love this year.
I watched my daughter's life crash and burn at the hands of someone she felt deserved a second chance.......from this I learned many things.......

1) Though I have always been one to believe people are capable of changing, I now believe with my entire heart and soul that SOME people are not capable of matter what they are faced with, how many chances they are given or how they are punished for their wrong doings. Some people just lack the inner strength and maturity to say, "You know what? This is no one's fault but my own. I screwed up and now it's time to suck it up and move on." It's sad for me to admit, though people like this deserve no compassion or pity.

2) Try as I may, I just don't have all of the answers. Why do some people act the way they do? Why do some individuals cling to something for no viable reason whatsoever? Why must some people's heart be so full of malice and hatred when there is so much out there are is good and sweet and wonderful? Why do some people obsess over another....especially when the other person has moved on and has not a small inkling or glimmer of feeling left for them but pure pathetic pity and hatred? Why does this type of person's brain work the way it does? I've learned that relatively sane and analytical people, such as myself, will drive themselves to that very same brink of insanity trying to figure that out!

3) We are all walking a predestined path. Now, this is nothing new to the way I believe, but it still amazes me each and every time I see it happen. Especially when two people end up together who are RIGHT for one another. And if you look back at the path that they have each walked, it seems to cross over and over again.....almost like God is dropping that person in front of you and saying, " he/she is it time?" It's truly wonderful and fills me with this sense of awe when I'm lucky enough to witness it happen in front of me. I'm blessed to have been given the opportunity to watch this new found relationship blossom and grow. This has definitely healed my shattered heart!

4) Fear and intimidation, though very real to many people, can be used to try and crush someone's spirit and manipulate them. This year I learned that though there are many things in life to fear, threats like this should never be one of those things. This is a sheer waste of time, energy and emotion. The only thing good that comes from this type of fear is anger and awareness. (Yes, anger can be good if channeled I learned to stop fearing and worrying and become proactive. I took a stand and I fought and along the way, I saw someone I love become strong and determined. I saw this person take destiny into their own hands and say, "Come what may....but I'll stand strong and defeat it! Even if it does take a camera, a cell phone, a baseball bat and a gun" LOL!

During the madness this year, I had the opportunity for my own second chance. The chance to finally have closure on an old relationship that has haunted me for over 25 years. It was tragedy that brought about this chance.......see, good can come from just about anything............and from this I learned some valuable lessons as well.

1) Love can take many different forms....the love of a mother for her child, the love of a friend, the love you feel for the very first time in your young life. Love never leaves us, no matter what. But when loves just stops, without being allowed a means to the "end", it may waver or even make you think it's gone, but it never leaves.

2) I knew there were things left unresolved, but I was rocked to my core when I realized that these old feelings still existed. However, I learned that though those feelings were still there, they were exactly the same as when I was a mere girl. Love can't just pick up where it left grow it needs constant nurturing. Without that, or without that "end" it just stays stagnant.....but it remains.

3) In addition, I learned that as we grow older, we change.....A LOT. I am not the same person I was at 30...or even last year!! I have grown and changed and I still do, every year of my life.....and that's a good thing! I realized that sometimes we change so much that we just can't see why we were ever a part of someone's life..........WOW, just wow. Yes, I still had those old feelings in the deepest reaches of my heart, but they weren't for him as he is now, no way. He's different as well and definitely not someone I could ever carry that kind of love for again. I just wish he could see that....and realize that within himself......but he can't. So though I got the closure and answers I needed, I lost a potential friend......because he couldn't handle that.....nor could some people in his life. (And for the, I don't want him back.....never did, never will. HELLO, I got the sun, moon and stars right here at home!!) Yes, it would have been nice to have a civil relationship, but not with someone who is not trusted by those he loves....and someone who can't even trust himself.


1) I hate the Glade lady...........she's a poser and lies to her friends. (But you already know that)
2) This little Hoosier girl LOVES New York!
3) Friends can be found during the most trying of times.....I love you, Jason! You kept me sane and focused....... Welcome to my life, Yumi!.......... DJ and Shannon, what can I say? You're part of the family!
4) My daughters are waaaay cooler and funnier than I ever knew and have taught me alot. Their friends are pretty incredible too!
5) Indiana's stalking law was written by morons and needs to be changed. Did I mention that is one of my 2009 goals? hee hee!
6) I REALLY hate the Glade lady..."It's French...from France" RRRRRRRR!
7) Spelling errors and stupid people go hand in hand...yet they think they are smarter than the rest of us. I mean, c'mon, do you really think someone wants to do business with someone who can't even spell the word business? Typos and the occasional misspelling doesn't count, so I'm not picking on everyone! LOL!
8) Even Fergie farts.
9) Female dogs are scary when in heat....not to mention a little slutty.
10) Dogs are even scarier when giving birth!
11) Good people die, nasty people live. Why?
12) I am a full fledged anime geek.
13) My husband is obsessed with ghosts and the paranormal, so if he shows up at your house with a KII meter, EMF detector and a digital voice recorder, just humor him.
14) Law enforcement is open to each officer's interpretation and individual personality....sometimes it sucks, but sometimes it can work to your advantage. *wink*
15) A prosecutor can only work within the law the way it's written and they can get angry and frustrated too.
16) Even when cooked, cream cheese should never be eaten after being at room temperature for more than 5 hours.........TRUST ME ON THIS!
17) I STILL hate the Glade lady..."Oh it's this little boutiquey fragrance I picked up."
18) A picture is worth a thousand words. (Referring to my daughter's pics of her ex stalking her)
19) Sex changes when you get older.....if you're my age you understand, if not, talk to me when you're over 40.
20) Bill collectors don't like Japan
21) It should never matter if your friends believe differently than you or raise their children differently than you, they're still your friends.
22) I really am capable of madness when pushed beyond my limits....scary.
23) Crying with your daughter can be a good thing.
24) Laughing with your daughter....even better.
25) Compared to other people, my life really IS insane.....yep, I'm just now realizing this.
26) People who obsessively hit my MySpace page give me the creeps. Yes, you, down there in Florida...I know who you are and you should be ashamed of yourself.
27) I am a Blingee addict.
28) Some parents are absolute clueless, blind, ignorant idiots and have set their adult children up for failure.
29) I'm getting old.
30) I still love life....through it's trials, tribulations, lessons and difficult times...I still love life. It's worth it.
31) Puppies are amazing little creatures.
32) My youngest daughter is amazingly intelligent and insightful.
33) Some people just aren't worth it.
34) Even I can play a Wii
35) Be yourself....don't be the Glade lady.
36) Even the most demure, modest women can ooze sex appeal from every pore (Yes, "M" I'm talking about you)
37) Confidence can really change a person.
38) Even after you scoop the yard, your child will always step in the ONE MISSED TURD!
39) DO NOT feed your dog Thanksgiving dinner unless you're ready to face the repercussions.
40) My kids are amazing and really know how to love and support one another through anything. I'm blessed.

Happy New Year!


Jill said...

It was refreshing to read what you wrote about someone it appears you reconnected with. I completly agree with people changing and not being able to love the new person they have turned into. I am in the same situation right now and it is incredibly difficult to process the feelings I have and understand the feelings he has for me after all these years. I enjoy your blog!